Now you are married, what next?

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So two months ago we did the deed (My lover and I), the love of my life sounds too cliché…..lol. The whole wedding preparation and process was a time to learn and unlearn a whole lot of things. Was it stressful? Not really, probably because I started the preparation quite early and I had a few friends to help, my mum and mum-in-law inclusive.

The day came and as expected so did the pressure. We had planned for about 500 but it didn’t happen that way at all…. Imagine our shock when we got to the reception hall and everywhere including the parking lot was filled to the brim. It now became the issue of “Where will my friends sit? What will they eat? Where would we get more chairs? Etc” I was almost losing it but Grace, The Brides Assistant helped me keep my cool. She kept reminding me that the day was all about me and hubby most importantly and no one else really mattered.

Those words sank in and I finally began to relax and enjoy my day since its only once in a lifetime (God help and keep us). The wedding has come and gone and I have learnt a few things:

Wedding is NOT Marriage

Thank God for marriage counseling, a drilling six months it was…wheeew.. During counseling, we learnt a whole lot about marriage going beyond the wedding day. From simple acts such as eating together, money matters even to child bearing and caring, we got to learn how to treat and manage ourselves.

So, once the euphoria of wedding wore out, I knew what I was going into fully prepared and relying on God for more knowledge. I know that people change and all that, but with the knowledge of the institution I am into now, I won’t say that I would be shocked or caught unawares by anything because we were taught about it.

We had a lot of case studies and what ifs assignment that we had to compare with each other’s at the end of the class.

Don’t let another be the yardstick for your actions

With everyone wanting to trend on bellanaija, Instagram and the likes, it’s so easy for brides-to-be to get caught up in the race and end up biting more than they can chew. Before starting preparations at all, hubby and I drew up an excel sheet, filled it with the most important things to us and how much we were willing to spend on them.

At the end of this, we had an estimated amount in mind and we work within our budget as much as possible. Amazingly, God showed up through people and we were able to splurge on some things but we never made ourselves uncomfortable or put a strain on our finances because we wanted to please other people (some of who do not care one bit about you but the jollof rice they are coming to devour at your wedding).

This sounds mean, but it’s true, gone are those days when you are getting married and you want everyone there, NO ONE and I repeat NO ONE is worth you incurring unnecessary debts.

Cut costs as much as possible

A lot of my friends called me cheap during my wedding preparation but I didn’t even care/mind. I believe that anything that would be used for that day alone shouldn’t take the whole of my money (This is my personal belief). If you think differently its fine but to me it doesn’t make sense to go out of your comfort zone to splurge on something that would last only that day. Because I started early I was able to get some discounts.

My makeup artiste was my friend, bought my dress in Lagos Market at a discount of course, shoes were brought in by my hubby’s aunt, hall décor was booked quite early, so its safe to say that I had everything locked down early and at affordable prices. You would be shocked at the ridiculous amounts I paid for some of these services.

When hair stylists were calling big money to style my kinky hair, I bought two expression attachments and did braids which was styled by my ever efficient brides assistant (Grace)… well I still had the braids on for three weeks after the wedding.

Nigerian Wedding, Nigerian Wedding, Nigeria, Wedding, Naija Weddings, Photographer, Ife Akeju, IfeAkejuPhotos

Take your share of the responsibility

Your man is not marrying himself, he’s marrying you. So, except in cases where you have a prior agreement and he is capable of doing everything on his own, it is important that you pull your own weight so he doesn’t end up frustrated.

Right from when we drew our excel sheet, we both knew what each party was doing, he still ended up doing a whole lot more but I handled some aspects too, relieving him of so much burden.

Doing this also helps to adequately plan for after the wedding because you are sure that both of you have not spent all you have on the ceremony (in the case of one person taking up the responsibility)

Marriage doesn’t really change you

I was expecting to wake up the next day of the wedding a changed person…lol… I am now a wife no longer the silly, playful and annoying girlfriend but then it still felt a bit normal, except that I cried because I wasn’t in my parents’ house.

I figured that marriage does not really change who you are, it only changes some aspects of your life. I am still goofy, annoying and still behave the same way towards everyone. Even my friends tell me they are disappointed in me because they expected me to behave like a married woman, “biko how does a married woman behave?”

So far, it’s been good. We’ve had a few quarrels that never last 2 hours, we have learnt a whole lot about each other and have become everything in one. God has been faithful and I trust HIM to keep keeping us in love. Till the next post….ciao!

P.S: THIS IS NOT A RULE OF THUMB FOR EVERYONE, NEITHER AM I A PROFESSIONAL (I AM ONLY TWO MONTHS OLD IN MARRIAGE). BUT I FOUND THEM HELPFUL SO FAR AND I THOUGHT TO SHARE. IN ALL, ITS YOUR JOURNEY, DO WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU!

olagunju

Hello there, Welcome to my blog. My name is Afolake, a Content Strategist by day and a blogger by night. I live for DIYs, so i can be termed a minimalist (although my friends call me cheap). My love for writing about everything including my natural (unrelaxed) hair journey brought me here. Starting the blog was an impulsive idea and one that i have not regretted so far. One thing i think you should know is that i love food, so don't be surprised to see a lot of posts on food. My favourite saying is "This too shall pass" and this has helped me all through my journey in life. On this blog, i talk about everything - books, love, life, beauty and every other thing running through my mind so there may be weird posts on here sometimes. I aim for this space to be a close knit community, so don't be shy to drop your comments, share the posts and invite your friends to be part of us. Live, Love, Pray and of course Eat healthy!

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23 comments Add yours
  1. Yes darling nice write up. I started planning early too with excel sheet of course, to avoid rush n forgetting anything. my sis was my planning partner, we waka eko market together n didn’t care about people calling me cheap during my wedding either. I used my pocket to cut my cloth to size which was perfect n didn’t overdo. I didn’t look out to satisfy friends too or follow trend (guess u knw cos I gisted u too).
    Wedding is a day celebration which doesn’t require us emptying our account to satisfy the world cos when ur wedding celebration ends someone else ‘ll come up with another wedding making urs stale.
    Still young in marriage too(11 mths n abt 2wks)n God has been really faithful…. am still Mr A’s girlfriend till date, friendly n annoying sometimes,looking for trouble, little boyfie n girlie quarrels which ll settled b4 sunsets…. we r still d same, except dat we ‘ve given folakemi a God daughter

    1. Awwww… Mrs A, you are my inspiration na. God keep you guys in love forever and Thank God (and you people) for my god daughter…. even though she didn’t comment….

  2. What church were u counseled? plus can the church counsel non-members? cause I will really appreciate a comprehensive counseling for my fiance and me and I doubt my church does a comprehensive one

    1. Hi Lolade,
      The counselling was done in my church, RCCG. The sessions were long and thorough but very worth it. As for counselling non-church members, i will have to get back to you!

  3. Awww i like this!! I love the team work and focusing on yourselves and not trying pleasing people!!

    Well done !! ?

    1. Thanks dear… it sounds mean but that is the reality.

      I believe that you don’t need to overwork yourselves for some other people who may not really care about you.

  4. Gosh I live for posts like these! Such an amazing down to earth post! I loved reading this. I’m getting married in less than 2 months and your post has confirmed to me that there is nothing wrong in spending wisely and smartly for your big day. Wedding is an event marriage is a lifetime! Thumbs up!!

    1. Thanks dear! God be with you all the way.

      Really, gone are the days of pleasing other people to your own detriment.

      You can have an amazing wedding on a budget.

      Happy married life in advance….lol

  5. Interesting read! I remember screaming when I saw the crowd at the car park, despite being cautious about spending, there were lots to eat and drink. Your guests didn’t leave till about 10pm, the hall management had to turn off electricity supply! Thumbs up to you and Hubby!…

  6. I love this. It reminds me of something I read years ago and agreed with totally. We must always be true to ourselves:

    “If you are not ready to stop competing with the Joneses…. don’t get married. Let the Joneses buy their yacht when you are still walking, and enjoy the walk. Your journeys are different. They may have to cross the oceans but you may be going through the road route. A boat might not do you any good on your journey. You must be ready to pace yourselves: stop competing, stop spending your future before you get there, stop the debt, stop trying to impress people. You must be able to be content. To enjoy your journey without deciding your happiness simply by measuring your progress against other people.”


    “biko how does a married woman behave?” – Please ask them o. I wonder!

    1. Thank you dear. We have to be very true because we would be the bearers of whatever happens in the end, whether good or bad. The truth is always know yourself and limits….
      Thanks for always reading…. God bless!

  7. Nice one dear.
    Wedding is just for some hours while marriage is for a life time. So you Prepare for Marriage and you plan for a wedding.
    Cheers!!!

  8. I can relate to so many things up there.
    1. the ‘wedding is not marriage’ statement.
    2. Marriage doesn’t change you. It didn’t change me also, I’m still as playful as before but I’m just more responsible as I look at things from an ‘Us’ perspective.

    This is a lovely article that’s well put together. I recommend it for brides to be

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