So two months ago we did the deed (My lover and I), the love of my life sounds too cliché…..lol. The whole wedding preparation and process was a time to learn and unlearn a whole lot of things. Was it stressful? Not really, probably because I started the preparation quite early and I had a few friends to help, my mum and mum-in-law inclusive.
The day came and as expected so did the pressure. We had planned for about 500 but it didn’t happen that way at all…. Imagine our shock when we got to the reception hall and everywhere including the parking lot was filled to the brim. It now became the issue of “Where will my friends sit? What will they eat? Where would we get more chairs? Etc” I was almost losing it but Grace, The Brides Assistant helped me keep my cool. She kept reminding me that the day was all about me and hubby most importantly and no one else really mattered.
Those words sank in and I finally began to relax and enjoy my day since its only once in a lifetime (God help and keep us). The wedding has come and gone and I have learnt a few things:
Wedding is NOT Marriage
Thank God for marriage counseling, a drilling six months it was…wheeew.. During counseling, we learnt a whole lot about marriage going beyond the wedding day. From simple acts such as eating together, money matters even to child bearing and caring, we got to learn how to treat and manage ourselves.
So, once the euphoria of wedding wore out, I knew what I was going into fully prepared and relying on God for more knowledge. I know that people change and all that, but with the knowledge of the institution I am into now, I won’t say that I would be shocked or caught unawares by anything because we were taught about it.
We had a lot of case studies and what ifs assignment that we had to compare with each other’s at the end of the class.
Don’t let another be the yardstick for your actions
With everyone wanting to trend on bellanaija, Instagram and the likes, it’s so easy for brides-to-be to get caught up in the race and end up biting more than they can chew. Before starting preparations at all, hubby and I drew up an excel sheet, filled it with the most important things to us and how much we were willing to spend on them.
At the end of this, we had an estimated amount in mind and we work within our budget as much as possible. Amazingly, God showed up through people and we were able to splurge on some things but we never made ourselves uncomfortable or put a strain on our finances because we wanted to please other people (some of who do not care one bit about you but the jollof rice they are coming to devour at your wedding).
This sounds mean, but it’s true, gone are those days when you are getting married and you want everyone there, NO ONE and I repeat NO ONE is worth you incurring unnecessary debts.
Cut costs as much as possible
A lot of my friends called me cheap during my wedding preparation but I didn’t even care/mind. I believe that anything that would be used for that day alone shouldn’t take the whole of my money (This is my personal belief). If you think differently its fine but to me it doesn’t make sense to go out of your comfort zone to splurge on something that would last only that day. Because I started early I was able to get some discounts.
My makeup artiste was my friend, bought my dress in Lagos Market at a discount of course, shoes were brought in by my hubby’s aunt, hall décor was booked quite early, so its safe to say that I had everything locked down early and at affordable prices. You would be shocked at the ridiculous amounts I paid for some of these services.
When hair stylists were calling big money to style my kinky hair, I bought two expression attachments and did braids which was styled by my ever efficient brides assistant (Grace)… well I still had the braids on for three weeks after the wedding.
Take your share of the responsibility
Your man is not marrying himself, he’s marrying you. So, except in cases where you have a prior agreement and he is capable of doing everything on his own, it is important that you pull your own weight so he doesn’t end up frustrated.
Right from when we drew our excel sheet, we both knew what each party was doing, he still ended up doing a whole lot more but I handled some aspects too, relieving him of so much burden.
Doing this also helps to adequately plan for after the wedding because you are sure that both of you have not spent all you have on the ceremony (in the case of one person taking up the responsibility)
Marriage doesn’t really change you
I was expecting to wake up the next day of the wedding a changed person…lol… I am now a wife no longer the silly, playful and annoying girlfriend but then it still felt a bit normal, except that I cried because I wasn’t in my parents’ house.
I figured that marriage does not really change who you are, it only changes some aspects of your life. I am still goofy, annoying and still behave the same way towards everyone. Even my friends tell me they are disappointed in me because they expected me to behave like a married woman, “biko how does a married woman behave?”
So far, it’s been good. We’ve had a few quarrels that never last 2 hours, we have learnt a whole lot about each other and have become everything in one. God has been faithful and I trust HIM to keep keeping us in love. Till the next post….ciao!
P.S: THIS IS NOT A RULE OF THUMB FOR EVERYONE, NEITHER AM I A PROFESSIONAL (I AM ONLY TWO MONTHS OLD IN MARRIAGE). BUT I FOUND THEM HELPFUL SO FAR AND I THOUGHT TO SHARE. IN ALL, ITS YOUR JOURNEY, DO WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU!